Hello and welcome from Wisconsin all authors, artists, and insomniacs. I am a writer still dangling from the long and winding learning curve that is the path to a published book. Dangling: yes, and precariously so. Like Quasimodo hanging from a gargoyle, my feet paw the air looking for an edge. The hope is always the same, that the next leg up will elevate me to the flat part of the curve, to the world of agents and, dare I say it, a publishing contract.
Not a unique ambition. If you see yourself, read on.
An opening frosted fecalith (Google that one oh word-focused, logic-bound night ranger, and see what you get): Polishing your pitch, perfecting the outline, writing a killer query letter – I'll leave that to the speakers you can find at hundreds of conferences. I want to talk about something else, something we all have but, to our detriment, choose to ignore. I speak of the right brain.
I'm talking now, to the right-handers . The left-handers, you other 10%, no one knows what the hell is going on with you. But if you feel compelled to read on, feel free. I promise, there will be no attempt to infuse you with any of the organizational skills you so sorely need but so absolutely abhor.
Right-handers are left-brained. We are organized, analytical, on time, and listen to what is being said. All worthy and useful you might say, and rightly (no pun intended) so. But when it comes to simultaneous processing, free association, and lateral connections we're in muck butt high to a blue heron. Let's face it. In their place, this last little bit of brain salad is valuable, especially to an author stuck halfway through a manuscript, looking at a dead-end character, and finding the dreaded "hole in the plot" all at the same time. This situation calls for a new strategy. Throw away the writer's manual and grab some intuition.
And were to find it? The right brain.
Of course its not as easy as all that. As a life-long right hander you are probably like the rest of us. The parietal lobe, the frontal cortex of your right brain, they've been ignored, nay starved and abused for too long. To paraphrase Seinfeld, you've been going right so long, you couldn't go left to save your manuscript. Where there ought to be healthy folds of gray matter, in your right hemi-cranium there is nothing but a desiccated blob of grape jelly. It's taken years for this to happen, fixing it will take some time.
What you need is blogart1109's Natural Right Brain Enhancement System! This has been laboratory tested and clinically proven by a grand total of one person – me. NRBES exacts no extra time on your part, does not require the purchase of proprietary tools, books, or DVDs, and because it is on the internet, you know it has to work. The risks to life and limb, while they may prompt an unplanned visit to the urgent care center, will rarely send one to the Emergency Room or lead the dreaded reverse trans-handedness disorder.
So, all of you right-brain cripples, get out your pen and paper and start taking notes (pardon, I forgot who I'm talking to. You already have them out and at the ready). In my next post I will show how you too can have a functioning right brain, almost as good as the one possessed by your scatter-brained left-handed brother.
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